Q: You want to know an amazing topping for that Wal-Mart Tombstone pizza you just bought, because you don’t feel like spending three hours cooking that awesome pad thai dish, on which you spent $100 for the ingredients?
A: The organic hot pepper powder you made at the end of the summer from all of those organic hot peppers you grew in your organic garden, jerk.
Oh wait, that was me. Not you. You spent $44 on pepper plants at Lowe’s because you’re too much of a grab-asser to save your own seeds. Well, even with your crappy peppers, you can still make hot pepper powder. Here’s how:
What You Need:
1. Food dehydrator. You can do so much awesome shit with one of these.
2. Hot peppers. Don’t be a sissy.
3. Culinary scissors. Or regular scissors. I typed “culinary scissors” because I’m a stupid asshole. And you don’t get a picture of these, and I’m not going to tell you why. You can just sit there and fucking think about it.
4. Spice or Coffee Grinder. I use my wife’s coffee grinder. She likes it when I do that. This one is awesome:
How To Do It:
1. Remove the stems from the peppers (I do this right after I pick them, and right before I freeze them).
2. If they are bigger peppers, cut them into segments. They’ll dehydrate faster. I cut the Jalapenos and Habaneros in half, but I leave the Tabascos in tact because I fucking feel like it.
3. Dehydrate the peppers and wait for a long ass time. Because I told you to.
4. Once the peppers are dehydrated, grind them up, and put the powder in a jar.
5. Jizz hot pepper powder all over your food and pretend like you’re enjoying “hot mouth” in front of your questionably hot girlfriend.